While I always deny that fall is happening for as long as possible (I just put on socks for the first time a few days ago), I do love fall. Crisp air, beautiful colors, yummy honeycrisp apples …. This time of year always has me reevaluating my business and life. It just feels like a natural time to start new things and is less pressure than January. It is all about both endings and new beginnings.
I have a kind of long story for you about new beginnings and creating your dreams … it’s a large part of my life’s story that profoundly impacted who I am today. So bear with me getting to the point. 🙂
A year ago this week, I was deep in both stress and joy. The conference I produced had just ended and I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted to the core. Months of planning and stress and then boom it’s over. But the inspiration that people experienced and connections they made with each other was worth it all.
Less than a week later my brother got married. It was a joyful, happy occasion and my family was happy for this new union. We dressed up, celebrated, ate, danced, laughed …. seriously one of the best weddings I’ve been to (and not just because it was my baby brother).
The following day my family and I drove to northern Minnesota for 2 weeks of vacation in the woods. It couldn’t come fast enough. I needed downtime and nurturing from being burned out. For the first 2 days, I literally just SAT. In a chair. Looking out the window. Could barely watch TV. Couldn’t focus enough to read a book. I’d been going on adrenaline for 2 weeks (or more) and my body just had stopped. So I listened, and I rested, meditated, watched the trees and water, took long hot baths, and just allowed myself to decompress. These few months were both some of the best and worst months I’d experienced.
Then, for whatever reason, late one night, I decided to join an online dating site. Wasn’t really thinking about it until I had the thought, pulled up a site, and boom was writing a profile. As I was writing it, I was even thinking, “What the heck am I doing?! This is awful timing.” I was nervous, but still moved forward. For a long time, I had not dated. A potential relationship crashed in early September. But I knew I wanted a relationship with a loving, kind, and interesting man. For many years I consciously worked on loving myself first, accepting ALL of me, no matter what. I knew that if I couldn’t love myself, no one else would. It was hard. Really hard. I never believed I was deserving of someone loving me and never really thought I would find love. But with great tools and friends, I finally got to a place where I knew I was ready.
Within 45 minutes of joining the online dating site, I met a guy. A really great guy. We hit it off immediately. He was completely not what I thought was my type, was bold, outspoken, and a bull in a china shop (in a good way). As we got to know each other, I realized I did want a lot of his qualities. 3 days later we met for coffee. He both scared and excited me at the same time, but we seemed to like each other’s company. We had great conversations. But … (you knew that was coming) … most of them were about his ex-girlfriend. The love of his love. The woman that left him with no answers. I played therapist for a few dates, but was still hopeful he’d get over it. 11 days after we first met, we both knew he wasn’t ready to date yet. But we’ve stayed great friends, and I feel really lucky that not only did we stay friends, but that HE was the first guy out of the gate with the whole online dating thing. He helped me set my bar pretty high.
For the following many months, I had dates. Some were really great, a few were just meh. I never had any truly awful dates, mainly because I had a good screening system of intuition and knowing what I wanted. A few men lasted a few weeks, but ultimately most of them were not available in some form. ALL of the men I met gave me great stories, experiences, and insight into what I DID want in a relationship. With each and every one, no kidding, every single one, I would walk away knowing what qualities or things I did NOT want and would think about what I DID want, and then boom, THAT guy would show up. All the experiences I had could be a book unto itself. It got to be kind of a game of “What can Jenn manifest now?!” I continually got more clear about who I wanted in my life.
And I took action every.single.day. ACTION meaning I reached out to a new guy, said goodbye to another one, pampered myself with things I loved, took care of myself, updated my online photo, wrote lists of qualities I was looking for, re-wrote a line in my profile, or anything else that somehow would affect my goal of finding a relationship. My mental state and heart were all aligned towards this goal. Most of my inner world was about staying centered in Love for myself, shining that out to the world so the right man would see/feel it, and I would FEEL/SEE/KNOW what it was that I wanted in my life.
Fast forward to April 2016. I was frustrated and tired of just having dates. I wanted more stability and commitment. It got to a point where I was ready to quit for a while, thinking I would take time off just to enjoy the summer. Yes, it was all fun and interesting, but it was also frustrating, confusing, and sometimes downright, “You have GOT to be kidding me, are men really like this?!” So, Jenn wanted a break.
And then, HE showed up.
A friend had told me about a new app where only women could initiate conversation. Ooooh yes, let’s get rid of the “Hey baby your hot wanna hook up right now?” messages. So I joined. Kind of half-heartedly, not unlike the first site I joined. I spent a few hours that afternoon (yes, totally avoiding work) swiping through the site, even though it took me a little bit to figure out I was swiping the wrong way for a bit. Then I get notification that one of the men I had swiped right on had also like my profile. Hey! So I sent a message.
In 5 days, we’ll have been together 6 months.
He isn’t what I expected to show up in my life. At all. We’re different in many ways. But we’re similar enough that those things don’t matter and we just click. He fits a good 82.5% of my list. And I’m happy. Really happy. I love this man and he loves me. I know 6 months is not much to go on, and the future is not set by any means, but it’s looking bright.
What the HECK does this have to do with creating a life or business you love?!
Well, a lot.
This is just ONE example of how it CAN happen.
A year ago when I met the first guy, I would have NEVER imagined I would be in a stable, happy relationship with a wonderful man. I thought it would take longer, thought I would have to go through MANY more dates, thought I would be lucky if I ended up with someone that I could just do things with around town and enjoy their company. Even though my “goal” WAS a relationship, I had all these other expectations. Eventually I let go of my expectations and just surrendered to the process.
But I kept my eyes on the prize.
This story is to show you that YOU can do the same thing with ANY goal.
Want a new car? Take steps to get the new car.
Need to move to a new home? Take action to find that perfect home.
Ready to move your business in a new direction? Set your goals and do it, even if in baby steps.
There is NO reason you cannot have your dreams. You have the power within you to CREATE it. The universe will not just hand it to you on a silver platter. You cannot wait for it to show up. The whole “If you build it, they will come” is BS.
For many years, I avoided goal setting, business planning, and really just took the attitude of “if I am meant to have it, it will come.” Ha! Guess why not much ever happened? It wasn’t until I realized that I really am an ACTIVE participant in my life and can partner with the Universe to create my dreams. Nothing in my life was going to change until my vision became clear about what I wanted in life and business.
YOU CAN create your dreams. It might take a little while, the journey may not be what you plan it to be, but it’s all perfect. If you align your energy, mind, and heart with your goal, it will happen.
Tips on HOW you do this?
1) Write it out. Write in detail what you want. See it. FEEL it. Know it.
2) Set small goals for yourself. It’s less overwhelming and gives you more small victories to celebrate.
3) Get help! My friends were amazing cheerleaders in my journey, listening to my (often ridiculous) stories, reminding me not to give up, encouraging me to take a leap. There are 2 business groups I meet with monthly and I know for a fact that my businesses would not be the same without their support. In business, this is exactly what I love to do as well, and it helps keep you on track.
3) When you do get the “end” goal, celebrate with an “OF COURSE!!!” instead of “I don’t believe it!” A dear friend taught me this trick, and helped me realize the “of course” will just create more energy rather than the feeling of not deserving it through “I don’t believe it”.
5) Love yourself and pamper yourself. Yes, really. It is important for you to be centered, healthy, and clear for your goal.
And as always, be gentle with yourself. There IS divine timing. There may be inner issues you’ll need to work through. Don’t beat yourself up. Stay true.
Now that I’m done feeling like an inspirational speaker, go live your life and create your dreams.